Chuck Brawnie did the honors. Inside my 3rd grade pants and underwear, he jammed some dirt, pine cones and proceeded to lift me up by the band of my Fruit of the Loom "tighty-whitey" underwear and hang me up on the McIllroy's front yard fence.
Great fun - for everyone but me. As I hung from that fence for all the school to see - at least all the kids who walked down Smith Drive to get home, the sheer humiliation I felt hasn't been topped since yesterday.
"Hi, I'm in the Philippines and...."
Over a 1,000 contacts in my address book received a message about my being stuck in the Philippines and in great need of money - $2,100 dollars to be exact.
It was my own fault, actually. Like choosing to walk home alone from school that day of the wedgie, I received a text message from "Google" yesterday, saying, "There has been fraudulent attempts to log in to your email. Please change your password immediately by clicking on this link.
And like an idiot, I did. Never once questioning the validity of this text or why the LARGEST email service in the Universe would send me a text.... No, just like that brazen youth who believed he would walk home alone KNOWING Chuck Brawnie was giving neighborhood kids Atomic Wedgies, I boldly clicked on the link to change my password.
"Any money you could send me would be helpful as I am stuck here in the Philippines without my wallet..."
As various emails flooded my box with, "Bro, you've been hacked?"; "Alan, are you okay?"; "Hi, I received this strange email from you saying..." the recollection of that Atomic Wedgie, and its purpose, from so many years back, came racing to mind.
Humiliation.
There was no link to send money in the email. No nasty pictures or insulting words but still deep down in my soul, as I read that polite request for money sent to everyone I know, there was that one tiny little voice that couldn't stop whispering, "They're all going to think you visit nasty websites with naked woman and farm animals...."
I received an email just like this from an associate and that was the first thing that came to mind, "Goddamn, what websites must this guy have visited?!" I then received an apologetic email from him announcing that he had been hacked. Of course, having been bullied myself so many years ago, I took some enjoyment in the fact that I wasn't alone in the humiliation department. I even added to his embarrassment by responding, "Hope, you had fun!"
But now, after having been on the receiving end, I see the absolute lack of humor in this incident. But unlike 3rd grade, where I slinked home in great shame and physical discomfort, I am standing boldly here at my own cyber-home and denouncing those bored technically savvy freaks who have nothing better to do with their incredible technological talents but to create spam and virus...
For the record, I am NOT in the Philippines, I don't need $2100 dollars and I have NEVER been to any website that exploits farm animals!!
.... Take that, Chuck Brawnie.
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