5 Reasons Why Christmas Will Be Merry for Patriot Fans Everywhere in 2015

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

September 9, 2015 and I'm stating the obvious right now:  Patriots are gunning for number 5...

Now that's nothing too far-fetched... Every year, our boys in Silver, Red, White & Blue are destined to be in the coversation however this year there are very specific reasons which makes the Patriots a smarter pick than usual.  Here are five:

1. Belichick and Brady are pissed.   

Goodell is like the match that lit this fuse - he wants the world to think these championships are tainted - even took away a draft pick and tried to suspend our HOF & GOAT QB - not to mention that little dig by leaving him off the Super Bowl Tweet..... Thanks Roger... you've done enough now.  Just sit back and enjoy.

2. Bill's Draft Went Better Than Usual.

Bill's ususally good for a surprise or two in the draft but this year I think he outdid himself.  Trey Flowers is going to be a monster on defense -not to mention Grissom and Brown.  Before the end of the year, we'll have two rookie guards starting and I believe KT - our ole free agent walk-on from a few years back is going to leapfrog the depth chart at wide receiver.  Goodell will have to take away more than two picks to derail this train....

3. Amendola is healthy...

That's a possible jinx so I won't say anymore than that.

4. Chandler Jones will receiver Defensive Player of the Year Votes.

He looks pretty unstoppable right now - if he stays healthy then JJ Watts and he will be trading stories about Vince Wilfork at the awards ceremony.   

5. They're the Patriots.

'Nuf said.  See you in Texas.....

Aaron Hernandez & Matt Kemp - A Contrast in Pictures

We all saw this face in the news....

  It was jarring to learn that that face was once this face.....

 

But we overlooked this...




Because he could do this....

               And this....

And because he did those things he got to do these things...

And these things... 









So when they said he could be this... 

We were shocked, upset, and angry.... but surprised...?

A jury (can't really say "Of his peers" because how many people are walking around signing $40 million dollar contracts and shoe deals) said he is that....

And now he will be this...

  

...And this...


For the rest of his life...  



Everyone knows THIS....

But how many people know THIS:

Why aren't we sharing more of THIS...?  
                                                   
Thank you Matt Kemp...

Sincerely,

Sports Fans Everywhere

8 Things to be Thankful for This Year

So Thanksgiving is here and like most people I am grateful for my beautiful family, the fact that we are healthy and that we have a roof over our heads.. All things that should not be taken for granted but in a moment of reflection I realized there are so many things that I don't ever express thanks for  and here are eight.

1. THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Sure, it's been a while since they won it all and those last two Super Bowls were crushing but this team - mostly thanks to #12 and his happy-go-lucky coach have been in the thick of it since that mind-blowing SB win back in '01.   Can't even imagine what it must be like to be a Raiders fan.

2. HUSH PUPPIES
I've got Keds, Cons, Doc Martens and those black square-toed shoes made famous in the early years of ENTOURAGE all have residence at the back of my closet along with an assortment of New Balance shoes but the brown suede hush puppies still reign supreme.

"Who's got the Hush Puppies on?!"

3. SLOW DANCING TO STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
To be blunt, my children's era of music sucks.  I can't even imagine what it must be like to grow up with One Direction, Taylor Swift and the Biebs as your major musical influences.   Stairway to Heaven was eight minutes of Junior High heaven.

"You wanna dance... Nah, me either

4. HONEYCRISP APPLES
Complete dietary game changer.  Where did they come from?!  Growing up, I never liked apples - of any kind -  red, yellow, green, even the Asian Pears - nothing.  A week ago, my wife brought home a few of these Honeycrip - BAM, BOOM, DONE!    These are the Scarlett Johansen of apples: big as a softball, sweet as candy - my mouth is literally watering as I type this....

5. THE BALTIMORE SUN

"I'm dying inside..."

At 25 I was done, a complete sell-out, floating down the river of life in a canoe of mediocrity and squelched dreams.  Promoted from Boston to a new job in Baltimore, I woke up every morning and stepped into a cheap suit, company car and a kit bag of dehydrated potato products.  One day, I opened up the Baltimore Sun to an audition notice.  I quit my job, got out of cheap suit and started my real life... although those dehydrated hash browns were quite excellent.

6. BEVERLY HILLS
"Kin folk said move away from here, Cali-fornee is the place you oughta be so I packed up my old car and moved to Beverly... Hills, that is...  Swimming pools... movie stars - and me?
The number of friends I had on Faceebook jumped when I posted my BH zip code - most of them from back east but but while they dream about Rodeo Drive, The Ivy and Hotel California they don't understand how hard it is to try to find street parking... but, hey, Luke Perry and Shannon Doherty can't be all wrong....

7. GENETICS 
Looking young for your age provides extra time for maturity, life achievements and income to catch up to your actual age.  So far it hasn't helped me but like Tom Brady's football career the window hasn't shut yet.

8. '04 RED SOX 

86 years... 'nuf said.

In honor of Throwback Thursdays.....

Alan Aymie’s Outstanding One Man Show, “A Child Left Behind”

At The Theatre with Audrey Linden

“Excellence” is the one word I would use to describe Alan Aymie’s highly energetic and dynamic one-man show. Aymie has been a teacher with LAUSD for some eleven years. He has a strong background in writing and acting and it shows! He developed this show in KTC’s INKubator series program, and it is definitely ready for prime time. In this sensitive show, Aymie not only re-lives the frustrations of a displaced teacher, he shows us his dilemma as a parent to a five year old son who has Asperger’s. He whips in and out of scenes with his students into scenes with his son. Energy! He works with lightning speed. I only wish he would have given the audience time to digest some of the action. There needed to be places for reflection. The pacing was frenetic throughout the show and I was worn out. Aymie certainly is a dynamic wonder, but a few well-placed lulls for catharsis and a change of pace would have helped the over-all structure. There was so much packed into the hour and a half show, I just did not get to digest it all.

That being said, Paul Stein’s direction was swift and there were no stagnant moments. The physical space of the classroom on stage was very well used as Aymie walked, and ran about. He climbed on chairs and every inch of the stage was explored. The transitions were incredible and that is attributed to Aymie’s flawless writing. He would go from a scene in which he had said something to his son about not letting kids push him and as he turns around he pick up the next sentence talking to a student “to stop pushing”. He didn’t miss a beat and it was Incredible writing!

The show tracks Aymie’s thoughts about his best teacher his father, who was not a credentialed teacher, but who had innate wisdom to pass on. Aymie absorbed his father’s teachings and incorporated them into his own. We see Aymie marching in a LAUSD picket line. He goes from a “hoity-toity” west side school into a District Intern program at a school in South Los Angeles; not South Central because he does not have a full credential. He ends up at 117th Street School, which is like “a bad episode of Welcome Back Kotter.”

Can he make the cut with these students who are dodging bullets and have a parent who might be a gang member? How does a teacher “teach to the standards” in this vastly different demographic? Aymie realistically shows us typical days in the life of a teacher in East Los Angeles. The L A Times has outed him and other teachers as “less than qualified.” What Aymie is referring to is Superintendent John Deasy’s new VAM. BAM! Value Added Measure by which teachers are evaluated by their students’ test scores. Forget that these kids have been testing way below grade level for years. It is Aymie’s job to raise those scores, now!

He has a very funny scene in which Darnell is not comprehending fifth grade math with “negative pairs”. So, Aymie uses “gang talk” about Crips and Bloods until the Principal put a quick stop to that. In between Aymie must face that his brilliant young five year old son has been diagnosed with Aspergers and we feel the helplessness Aymie feels as a father and an educator. The kid can name every planet, every dinosaur, be a chess genius, but he cannot eye contact. If anything is out of place or if an idiom is used, he freaks out. “I don’t see my kid anymore; I see a skill set.” Aymie went in and out of being the father and the son. I liked the few quieter moments when Aymie would bend down and talk to his son in the chair. I felt the presence of his son and the utter frustration Aymie felt. We needed more of those moments as a breather.

Aymie has it all in this one man show. He shows all the flaws of the LAUSD system, and he vents his frustrations which are palpable. He has to deal with the challenges of his students. How does he do his best for them and also achieve within the LAUSD “model” or system which seems quite flawed indeed. Aymie is working with children who not only won’t graduate and go on to college but who may be killed by gangs. What best servesthem? Do they need more standardized testing or “a hug” and compassion and understanding? Is he “less” of a teacher for lugging his old computer up seven flights of stairs to give to one of his students who lives in cramped quarters. Is he “less” because of an artificial way of measuring success does not take caring, dedication and hard work into account? Or is he “more”? What is “education?”

Aymie shows it all to us. He passed his year, and got out of 117th Street Elementary School and is still teaching in real life and on stage. There were some laughs, some humor, but the overall feeling was mostly that of frustration about an education system that is so flawed. Human beings are discounted and children are being left behind and teachers are being left behind. Aymie does not sugar-coat the situation. I felt the frustration and I felt the humanity.

The evening and in fact, the run of the play is a fund raiser for Jenny Mc Carthy’s autism charity, Generation Rescue.” Proceeds from the ticket sales are being donated. Generation Rescue, founded by parents, JB and Lisa Handley is dedicated to the recovery of children with Autism spectrum disorders. Thanks to producer Gary Grossman and co-producer Les Williams who brought us this high energy one-man show.

The Ten Greatest TV Dads Ever

10. ANDY GRIFFITH - MAYBERRY, NC    

SHERIFF/DAD/WIDOWER  
1960-1968             Children: Opie
STRENGTHS:  compassion, guidance, respect
WEAKNESSES: easily flustered

The Andy Griffith Show has been one of my personal living hells as a Dad for several reasons.   Each and every time I think of that big smile, whistle that theme song, or skip a rock off the water's surface - none of which I do with much frequency here in Los Angeles but when I do or when I have another bout of soul-crushing guilt over how I'm raising my two sons (which is a lot more often than skipping stones or whistling) I think back to Andy Griffith and the relative ease he had in raising Opie AND I then curse him under my breath as I wonder, "How did he do it?"

           

Single father in the backwoods of North Carolina raising his son Opie with only a dimwit deput and a nagging Aunt Bee to help him with an occassional helping hand from an assortment of other Goobers - Goober himself not withstanding.  But when you really take a look, you see that Andy wasn't so amazing after all.

I have several theories about Andy's success as a parent:

1. ONLY SHERIFF IN TOWN

Andy was a single dad which was a smart move by the show's producers.   We sympathized with the good-natured widower and never had to see when he was being a jerk as a husband.  It was Andy's ship to run and he had no interference.  Granted, he had some Deputies, Barney Fife, Aunt Bee but try as they may there was never any real challenge for the top 

 2.  THERE ARE NO ALPHA MALES NAMED GOOBER     

When a klutzy deputy and goofy mechanic are your only competition for King of the Hill - you've got some good days ahead of you.  I live in Beverly Hills - there are Alpha males all around me.  One day I Gene Simmons of KISS, in his champagne colored Bentley, pulled up alongside my dirty min-van at a red light.   My five-year old son looked at Gene Simmons, looked at me and then turned his attention back to the God of Thunder.  Who did Andy have to compete with.... Gomer....Barney Fife?   Come on, it's not even close.  He didn't breathe fire, spit blood or have scrapbooks of all the groupies he had sex with but based on the other men in the show, Andy was Mayberry's version of Brad Pitt & Jay-Z all rolled in one.

3.  UNEVEN PLAYING FIELD
Come on, let's be real:  One kid is window dressing.  People don't start families with one kid - they create Christmas cards.  I could do one kid in my sleep.  Hell, we didn't even have to see Andy in the toddler years -  Opie was five or six when the show started - those are semi-autonomous years.  Throw in six hours a day at the local school, Aunt Bee picking up the slack and Barney stepping in as a surrogate crazy uncle and all I see left is loads of free time sprinkled in with an occasional fishing trip.  And while we're at it, you know Andy wasn't doing the fishing trips weekly - that was a start of the show - "Look at what a good dad he is!" - kind of moment.

However, when you look at his record:  eight strong years, went on to numerous other TV shows, Opie grew up reasonably stable, respected his father and went on to be one of the most heralded directors in Hollywood history - not to mention the lead (if only till the Fonz took over) of his own TV show. Throw in Gomer Pyle USMC, Don Knotts' career and the longetivity of the show and Andy's place on the list is well deserved.

TOMORROW:    "Battlin'" Mike Brady 


Alan Aymie is an award-winning writer/peformer who currently lives with his wife and children in Beverly Hills, CA.  His current play, A CHILD LEFT BEHIND can be seen in May '14, at the Santa Monica Playhouse.

What to do when you have a Shitty Boss...

Shitty Bosses.... Yeah, we've all had them.

Lt. Colonel Tall was a shitty boss although he was a tough S.O.B.....

Blake was a shitty boss - albeit, cool as hell...  

Michael Scott, too, but we loved him cause he was funny...

But, unfortunately,  most shitty bosses simply aren't this endearing, appealing or even threatening, they're just.... shitty.

Great leaders are born, but bad bosses are shat out into the world like a bathroom visit after a bad McDonald's meal.  The clean white porcelain order of your job is now defamed, defiled and soiled by this shitty boss defying you to wash them away but it's Sisyphean effort because there's always more shitty bosses to replace them.

So what do we do when we have a shitty boss?

Being a writer, I  look to the examples provided above.  All of these "shitty" bosses had another quality - Nick Nolte's Lt. Colonel Tall was as tough as nails with a chip on his shoulder due to his shitty boss.
Alec Baldwin was a demoralizing kick-in-the-nuts but he backed it up with that watch... Love him or hate him - he didn't care - the man made money and demanded you do the same.

Steve Carrel - harmless as he was ineffective - his office staff saw how harmless he was and could (along with all of America) just sit back and laugh.

These fictional shitty bosses - probably based on some real person - were sharpened and shaped by talented writers who had to dig deep to skillfully added or enhanced certain facets of their personality to make them dramatically or comedically more appealing.

That's the challenge facing any one who has a shitty boss... Dig deep to find the gold.

I know your endearing quality is here - somewhere....

Find your boss' appealing characteristic - a reason to root for them - you might have to make one up but go ahead, it's your boss - it's your story.

You get to create the character you would most like to see.    Are they just green and inexperienced because they've been assigned a position out of their capabilities?

"Would you like me to boss you around...?"

Are they too hungry for power, due to some injustice they've experienced in their lives or maybe they are just a harmless buffoon that needs to be taken less seriously and laughed at (in private) a little more.

Every shitty boss has the potential to be Nick Nolte, Alec Baldwin, Steve Carrel or whomever you wish.

Just dig deep, enhance that endearing quality and watch your shitty boss get flushed away from the toilet bowl you call your job.

And remember this one Hollywood truth:  Shitty bosses always get their "comeuppance" eventually.

Hacked... the 21st Century Wedgie

I once got an Atomic Wedgie...

Chuck Brawnie did the honors.  Inside my 3rd grade pants and underwear, he jammed some dirt, pine cones and proceeded to lift me up by the band of my Fruit of the Loom "tighty-whitey" underwear and hang me up on the McIllroy's front yard fence.

Great fun - for everyone but me.  As I hung from that fence for all the school to see - at least all the kids who walked down Smith Drive to get home, the sheer humiliation I felt hasn't been topped since yesterday.  

"Hi, I'm in the Philippines and...."

Over a 1,000 contacts in my address book received a message about my being stuck in the Philippines and in great need of money - $2,100 dollars to be exact.

It was my own fault, actually.  Like choosing to walk home alone from school that day of the wedgie, I received a text message from "Google" yesterday, saying, "There has been fraudulent attempts to log in to your email.  Please change your password immediately by clicking on this link.

And like an idiot, I did.  Never once questioning the validity of this text or why the LARGEST email service in the Universe would send me a text.... No, just like that brazen youth who believed he would walk home alone KNOWING Chuck Brawnie was giving neighborhood kids Atomic Wedgies, I boldly clicked on the link to change my password.

"Any money you could send me would be helpful as I am stuck here in the Philippines without my wallet..."

As various emails flooded my box with, "Bro, you've been hacked?"; "Alan, are you okay?"; "Hi, I received this strange email from you saying..." the recollection of that Atomic Wedgie, and its purpose, from so many years back, came racing to mind.

                                                                                   Humiliation.

There was no link to send money in the email.  No nasty pictures or insulting words but still deep down in my soul, as I read that polite request for money sent to everyone I know, there was that one tiny little voice that couldn't stop whispering, "They're all going to think you visit nasty websites with naked woman and farm animals...."

I received an email just like this from an associate and that was the first thing that came to mind, "Goddamn, what websites must this guy have visited?!"  I then received an apologetic email from him announcing that he had been hacked.  Of course, having been bullied myself so many years ago, I took some enjoyment in the fact that I wasn't alone in the humiliation department.  I even added to his embarrassment by responding, "Hope, you had fun!"

But now, after having been on the receiving end, I see the absolute lack of humor in this incident.   But unlike 3rd grade, where I slinked home in great shame and physical discomfort, I am standing boldly here at my own cyber-home and denouncing those bored technically savvy freaks who have nothing better to do with their incredible technological talents but to create spam and virus...

For the record, I am NOT in the Philippines, I don't need $2100 dollars and I have NEVER been to any website that exploits farm animals!!   

.... Take that, Chuck Brawnie.

Alan Aymie is a critically acclaimed writer, performer and educational activist, living in LA with his wife and three children.  He is currently performing his critically-acclaimed, "A CHILD LEFT BEHIND' in Los Angeles and New York.  For more information, you can visit www.alanaymie.com